Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

"It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

Last Edited : Saturday, 25 October 2014 - 04:50

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A man goes to a job fair and after being turned down for several jobs feeling discouraged he then spots a booth looking for door to door toothbrush salesmen, when he introduced himself the interviewer asked puzzlingly why would you think with a lisp that you would make a good salesman and the man replied I have an fail proof method for toothbrush sales so the interviewer hired him as he had 4 spots to fill and only 3 so far.
the next day He and the others went about their duties and reported back at the end of the day the boss asked the 1st man how many toothbrushes did you sell and the man replied I sold 14 the boss said not too bad, He then asked the 2nd how many to which he replied 27 the boss said well done, He then asked the 3rd the man said 55 toothbrushes sir, this was responded to with a compliment to his talent, He then asked the man with the lisp o.k.! how many did you sell and the man said 238 today sir the boss was ecstatic He said he had had never had any salesman sell so many in one day and asked his secret so the man said best you come to dinner at my house tonight and I will show you.
when the boss arrived for dinner there was an elaborate buffet set up the man with the lisp please help yourself while I make some sales, impressed the boss indulged himself with a hardy plate took a bite and called his salesman over and said this taste like poop, and the man with the lisp said want to buy a toothbrush!.

HAHAHA! I like that one

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

While in flight a planes engines fail and regain operational status but total failure is eminent so the pilots confer with their passengers saying " You must get to safety but there are only 3 parachutes and 4 of you you must decide who will be saved" and so they did 1st" I am the president of the united states and must survive!." he took a chute and dove out, then the other 3 looked at one another for a moment and suddenly." I am the worlds smartest democrat!" and he too dove out, the 2 left were the highest ranked boy scout and the Pope, the Pope said to the boy I have had a good life and have found total peace with God please take the last chute I will stay here and join God." and the boy replied "why there are 2 chutes?." and the pope looked puzzled " Tell me young man how this can be?." the boy responded " b'cuz the worlds smartest democrat jumped out with my backpack."

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!