Wow! What a party! Fast Food City just threw the wildest New Year's Party ever. Everyone had gathered in the Town Center for music, dancing, beverages, and (of course) food. Every fast food chain was represented, and it was a wild time! Ronald McDonald's 'fro was the biggest it's ever been. Jared from Subway forgot to wear his skinny pants and was constantly tripping over his fat pants, much to the amusement of the Arby's Oven Mitt, who couldn't keep his 'mitt' off of Jared all night. The Burger King was his usual scary self, until the Wendy's Girl got him alone on the dance floor (details not available). Big Boy and the Taco Bell Dog discussed the finer points of size vs. use, while the Hardee's Star kept trying to hide in Jack in the Box. The Hamburglar was his usual thieving self, and even managed to steal the Colonel's secret recipe until the Colonel caught him by the neck with his cane.

The party lasted until the wee hours of the morning, when everyone went home to sleep off the effects. At noon the next day, all the characters would gather back in the Town Center to retell stories of the previous night, and finish off any leftover food.

As they converged on the Town Center, they noticed an excess of chicken feathers scattered everywhere. Had the Colonel's chickens gotten loose again? Upon entering the Town Center, they beheld a most gruesome sight...

The Colonel had been sliced and diced, cooked in his own special recipe (the original crispy one), and packed into one of his own buckets...complete with potatoes, gravy, biscuits, and a side of corn.

The 10 citizens of Fast Food City were in shock...it was then they started to look at each other with suspicion in their eyes. Who would kill the founding father of their City...?

Day 1…

Nervous looks were cast on everyone. Nobody said a word; afraid of incriminating themselves, until…

“I’m the Hardee’s Star!”

All eyes turned to Oblivion the Hardee’s Star…was he serious? It was quite obvious he was the Hardee’s Star. Five pointy spikes, yellow, annoying monotone voice…yup, he was the Hardee’s Star alright.

An uncomfortable silence was broken by Sage the Taco Bell Dog, who jump up on a picnic table and started talking. “Listen to me you idiots. Yo quiero Taco Bell…I mean, I am the smartest mascot here. You must all do as I say, and we will find these killers…let’s call them mafia. Now, we also have a detective and a doctor here too. We must lynch someone, who we think is mafia…but if we lynch an innocent, we will still win because the mafia is too dumb to figure things out on their own. The mafia will also follow me like sheep, and do what I say, because I am Sage the Taco Bell dog! Now the detective should do a background check on me, and the doctor should make sure I live…because I am the smartest mascot, remember. Oh, by the way, I’m not mafia. Mafia isn’t this smart. So, follow me, and we will be rid of the mafia scum!”

This was followed by a chorus of cheers from the crowd, who began chanting “Yo quiero Taco Bell! Yo quiero Taco Bell! (I’m the Hardee’s Star) Yo quiero Taco Bell!, etc…”

“Now, on to my plan. I think it’s tarim! He’s right there, and hasn’t said anything!” Accused Sage the Taco Bell Dog.

“Hi. I’m the Big Boy,” replied tarim.

“Okay, he’s innocent…umm…how ‘bout you,” accused Sage the Taco Bell dog again. This time pointing at the Hardee’s Star.

“I’m the Hardee’s Star! Robble robble.” Replied Oblivion the Hardee’s Star, as he chomped into a thickburger.

The crowd joined in, throwing accusations, and slogans at Oblivion like, “What are you doing with all those pointy ends anyway? Being a star, I bet you get jealous of those of us with legs and arms! Why’d you do it? Is Hardee’s even around anymore? Subway! Eat fresh!”

Oblivion simply kept eating his thickburger, and saying, “I’m the Hardee’s Star!” Then he would nod his head at darkguy0000 the Hamburglar and say, “Robble robble.”

“Okay, let’s turn up the heat on this mafia scum!” Sage said, and produced an oven…which nobody could figure out where he had been hiding. Sage then threw the star in, and turned the oven on bake. “Okay, all we do is apply more heat and he’ll crack…proving he’s mafia.”

The crowd was doubtful at first, but then one mascot stepped up and turned the oven up a bit. Then the next one. Pretty soon half the crowd had turn it up, and the oven was getting very hot...all while Oblivion finished off his thickburger, stared out the oven window at Sage, and said,

“I’m the Hardee’s Star. Robble robble.”

“He’s right!” Exclaimed Sage. He opened the oven, and pulled Oblivion out…in turn grabbing Darkguy and throwing him in. “Hamburglar, you are always stealing. You are a bad guy. It must have been you who killed the Colonel!”

“But Sage…I was your biggest supporter of your plan! How could you? Robble robble…” Darkguy pleaded.

“Yes, Sage must be right…after all he is so smart! But what about…” This was the comment heard from every mascot…drawing parallels, and circular logic, and stick figures about who could be mafia, and who couldn’t be. All of this happening while Darkguy the Hamburglar was cooking away.

“Uh-guys…I don’t feel so well.” Stated Darkguy, as his cap, hat and gloves melted off his body.

“Be quiet, Darkguy! That is so mafia to say that!” Declared the crowd.

“Well, then just turn up the heat a bit more and kill me!”

Nobody moved. Nobody wanted to be the one to kill one of their own citizens.

Last Edited : Friday, 5 January 2007 - 11:05

(wow, this post is almost as long as Day 1...)

“Fine! If my death will help the town, then so be it!” At this, darkguy opened the oven (why he didn’t just escape, nobody could quite figure out), turned it up to Broil, and jumped back in. “Now this is how you lynch someone!” Darkguy immediately burst into flames…”robble robble” was the last thing to come from his charred remains.

It was then, the mascots noticed the piece of paper that had fallen out of darkguy’s melted cape…it was a love letter from the Colonel…seems hamburgers wasn’t all that darkguy had stolen…he had been the Colonel’s secret lover. The town quickly realized their mistake in killing one of the good guys. They all headed home to get some sleep…after all, these 72 hour days were tiring!

Night One

Every mascot went his/her own way after the oven incident. Most headed home for their favorite food and some rest. Tomorrow, they could figure out who the mafia was…if they still lived.

The lights in town slowly went out…except for one glowing star at the top of the tallest building in town.

“I’m the Hardee’s Star! How many times do I have to say it for them to understand?!?!” huffed Oblivion the Hardee’s Star as he rambled around his room. “I’m the Hardee’s Star, and they were going to kill me! That’s too bad about Darkguy the Hamburglar, but I guess it serves him right for always stealing stuff…better him than me…I’m the Hardee’s Star.”

Oblivion paced about his room for awhile, mumbling something about thickburgers, and robble-robble.

Finally he stopped. “Hmm…maybe Sage the Taco Bell Dog isn’t as smart as he says. Maybe I should just do my job. I AM the Hardee’s Star.”

With that, Oblivion headed for the door. He was determined to find out what he could about this mafia ring. He opened the door, and…SMACK!

“Hey look! It’s the Hardee’s Star!” Oblivion heard a familiar voice as he laid on his back…stars swimming in his vision. “I’m the Hardee’s Star,” mocked another voice.

Oblivion shook his head to clear it, and look at the people who assaulted him. “You! I knew it! I was just on my way to talk to you.” Oblivion stood up and composed himself. “What do you want with me?”

“You’re the Hardee’s Star, figure it out,” said the second voice as he entered the room. “And to think, we almost had you cooked this morning! Oh well, this will work just as well.”

Oblivion’s mind raced. How could he get out of this alive? He backed away from the mafia scum, but they stayed between him and the only door out of his apartment…wait. The balcony! It has a fire escape! Slowly Oblivion backed up, mumbling “Hardee’s…where the food is the star…”

Then Oblivion made his move. He dashed for the door, as fast as you’ve ever seen a star dash before. Before the mafia knew what was going on, he was out the door, and had it closed and blocked with some boards (not sure where he got these from, but let’s just say they were handy). Oblivion lept for joy. He stared back through the window trying to see the disgruntled faces of his attackers.

He saw their faces, but they weren’t disgruntled. In fact they were smiling and just starting at him…why?

“Sage thinks he’s the smartest mascot of us all. Pah!”

Oblivion turned to see another mafia. “There’s 3 of you?!?! That’s how you were able to take care of the Colonel so quickly. Well, now I know! I’ll tell the rest of the town…”

BANG!

“Hey look! A shooting star! Ha-ha!” Laughed the third mafia as he put away the smoking gun. He watched Oblivion fall down the 40 floors to his death below, then turned to let his cohorts out of the apartment.

“Hardee’s Star…” sneered one of the mafia. “How cliché can you get for the town detective anyway?”

Morning 2

It was a bright sunny day. The mascots joined again in the town center, and everyone noticed that the Hardee’s Star was missing. No one spoke…except Kong the Arby’s Oven Mitt. He was off to the side, trying to get the attention of one of the mascots. He finally succeeded. One of the mascots walked over to kong to see what was the matter. Kong whispered in the mascot’s ear. The mascot’s eyes went wide in disbelief. Did he just hear what he thought? Could it be true? The other mascots noticed the shocked look…they noticed kong whispering…they drew a conclusion.

In a mad rush, all the mascots mobbed kong the Arby’s Oven Mitt. All but one. The one tried frantically to pull the mob off of the Oven Mitt. But anger was in their eyes! The look of shock was enough to let them know that kong had killed the Colonel. Stuffing was flying, eyeballs went here, his mouth flew there. After an hour of beating, there was no distinguishable sign left that the Oven Mitt ever existed. That’s when the mascots actually looked at what remained…

That wasn’t stuffing, it was gauze. Those weren’t eyeballs, they were pills. The mouth…band aids.

Questioning eyes turned to the mascot who heard kong’s secret.

“He said he knew the Hardee’s Star should have been protected. He knew who the doctor was…but how could the doctor protect us all…there were too many to watch over. He told me he was the doctor…”

Day 2

“Well, you should have told us he was the doctor!” The mascots yelled at Sage the Taco Bell Dog.

“It’s okay,” replied Sage. “My plan is working perfectly!”

“Oh, yes, the Plan” mumbled the other mascots.

“Okay, I’ve had enough of this plan. It’s time people started listening to me!” said Biscuit the Ronald McDonald. “I’ve known Corflu Jared ever since he was 400 pounds. He was one of my best customers...until he decided to get ‘healthy’ that is.”

Jared proudly smiled at his new physique. “It was quite obvious your food was killing me, Ronny boy. I had to make a change. I hope there are no hard feelings.”

“No hard feelings from me,” replied Biscuit McDonald. “However, you’ve been acting strangely. I think perhaps you hate us fast food mascots and the food we serve. I think you blame us for the world’s overweight problems. You talk of this change you needed to make, perhaps this change included ridding the world of the rest of the fast food chains! I think you…killed the Colonel!”

“Yah…how is Subway even considered a fast food restaurant anyway?” Chimed in another mascot.

“Let’s get him boys!” Three of the mascots grabbed Corflu Jared and pinned him to the ground. “Come on! Let’s stuff him full of the food he wants to get rid of!”

After a moments hesitation, the other mascots grab handfuls of food and begin jamming them into Corflu’s mouth. Big Macs, tacos, fries, Whoppers, onion rings…you name it, Corflu was forced to eat it. At first he was choking and spluttering, trying to refuse the food, but then he stopped fighting it. The mascots thought he was dead, but to their amazement, he was actually eating the food! They redoubled their efforts, and so did Corflu. He ate everything.

Towards nightfall, the mascots finally tired. They had run out of food and energy to keep jamming it down Corflu’s throat. Corflu Jared was also tired…and 400 pounds heavier. He couldn’t move. He was bloated like a balloon just before popping. As he lay there moaning, Corflu began mumbling…”I hate this food! Look what it does to people. That’s why I killed the Colonel…and the Hardee’s Star…If I don’t stop this, who will?”

As they all lay there, exhausted, Coopels the Wendy’s Girl reached back into her hair, and pulled out a bobby pin. Staring at Corflu’s blimp sized body, she poked his stomach with the pin…SPLOOSH! Corflu exploded everywhere. The other mascots were covered in fast food remains from head to toe. Their work done, each one stumbled to their feet and walked home…thinking they were finally rid of their killer.

Night 2

Jack in the Box mwmoss had decided to go clean up his restaurant before going home. After all, the danger was over, with Jared dead…but the fast food remains were all over his restaurant. He was alone. He didn’t mind, this restaurant was his life. The front door jingled, signaling that someone had opened it.

“Sorry, we’re closed. Come back tomorrow.” Said Jack as he looked for who had come in. “hmm…nobody. Must be my imagination.”

He heard pots banging in the storeroom. What could that be? He went back to investigate, turning on the light…

“Oh! It’s just you two. What are you doing here this time of the night? Don’t you have your own places to clean up? I’m glad we’ve solved this whole killing incident, aren’t you two?”

“Yes. We are happy. So far, you idiots have done everything we wanted.” Replied one of the intruders.

“Murf? What do you mean?” asked Jack mwmoss.

“We knew we’d have to get rid of Jared once we were done with the rest of you. After all, Subway just doesn’t fit in the fast food market, don’t you think? We were just using him as our pawn…our fall guy.”

“Fall guy? What?” Jack was a little bit slow…

“Let us explain…” One of the villains produced a giant party sized 6 foot long sub. “There’s no way you could eat this all, right?” Jack nodded. “Well, Jared doesn’t fit in, just like this sub won’t fit in you.”

The two men closed in on Jack mwmoss, who still didn’t understand what they were trying to say. He soon understood quite clearly…

The next morning upon arriving in the Town Center, the remaining mascots were greeted by mwmoss half hanging out of his box, with the end of the six foot sub sticking out of his dead mouth.

Day 3

“I thought Jared was dead?!” Exclaimed one of the mascots.

“He is. He must have been in league with someone else…another one of us is a killer!” Deduced another mascot. “But who?”

Eyes shifted from one mascot to the next. Then Taco Sage Dog and Ronald McBiscuit both started pointing fingers…each at a different person.

“Pah! How likely! ‘Follow my plan!’ ‘No, I’m taking charge!’” Mocked the Sanshiro the Burger King. “You two have been pointing fingers and leading us astray from day one. Why is it always someone else? I think it’s you two!”

“m ‘gree wth bscthit.” Came a mumbled voice.

“Big Boy tarim, get your lips off Ronald’s backside and please repeat what you just said,” chimed in a mascot.

“Ahem…sorry, about that…I said, I agree with Biscuit. I have no reason to doubt him as a good guy. So I will vote however he does.” Replied Big tarim Boy.

“Go back to your butt-kissing ‘Big Boy’,” snorted Sagey Dog. “I’m convinced Wendy’s Coopels is mafia.”

“No Sage is mafia. Look at his ‘plan’” defended Coopels the girl.

Back and forth they went…finally, Biscuit McDonald and tarim Big Boy, jumped for Sanshiro King. They hit him squarely, knocking him off his feet and landing on him. To their amazement, he immediately popped right back up…with that freakish smile still on his face. “You two just can’t stand to let a King live in peace! All this filth you’ve been spewing about me is plain racist and narrow-minded. All of you are rotten idiots, who can’t think for themselves. All while another mascot sits above you pulling your strings! Disgusting! I am violently sickened by the sight of each of you. The Colonel deserved to die, that old cranky has-been. The same goes for Hamburglar, Jack, Hardee’s and Arby’s…even Jared deserved to die. I’m tired of living in this place. There is no room in this city for all of us, especially idiots like you…eh!” Finished Burger Sugata.

While he had been ranting and raving like a lunatic, the rest of the mascots had left the town center, found some rope, tied a noose, hung the rope from the (Taco) Bell Tower and slipped the noose around Sanshiro’s neck. One quick pull of the rope, and Burger King was dangling ten feet in the air, kicking his feet, and swinging in the breeze...still wearing that stupid grin.

“You said the town wasn’t big enough for the both of us. Well…’have it your way’,” chuckled one of the mascots as they left the town center with yet another of their fellow mascots dead.

Night 3

Ronald McBiscuit was out for his usual early night run. He had to keep in shape…being 900 years old and all. He ran past Taco Bell, waving at Sage. He ran past Big Boy, waving at tarim. He ran past Wendy’s waving at Coopels. Then he hit the row of dark restaurants. Lights that would never turn on again…Jack in the Box, Subway (was that really fast food anyway?), Arby’s and Hardee’s. Then he passed his restaurant, where usually Hamburglar would take care of the cleaning up while he ran. He was sad. This town used to be so much fun…what had happened. His route took him through the town center, where Burger King was still…wait! Burger King was not swinging there anymore! Was he still alive?

No, wait…there at the base of the tower. Someone was dragging the Burger King away. “Hey! You, stop!” The person jumped at the sound of the voice. “oh. It’s you…I thought I just saw you at your restaurant. How’d you get here so quick.”

“You fools! You killed my best friend! You drove him mad with your endless slogans! And you, Ronald, were the worst one of all. Always happy. You have a whole gang of mascots following you around! Burger King had nothing for a mascot…until they created him. He hated his life…always smiling. Knowing that his smiles usually scared people more than endeared them to him. And still you went on smiling…driving him insane. And then you kill him and leave him…” The mascot went running up the stairs of the Bell Tower. “leave me alone, Biscuit!”

What was he to do? One of his fellow mascots was apparently upset, he had to go help.

“Hello? I saw you come up here. I didn’t know Burger King had gotten so bad,” said Ronald trying to see in the darkness of the bell tower. “Please come out. Let’s talk about it.”

“I’m done talking!” Screamed the mascot jumping at Biscuit from a dark corner. Ronald was already tired from his long run, and could barely resist the attack. He felt his head being rung against the bell repeatedly, and he almost lost consciousness. Then the attack stopped.

Ronald slowly got up and wobbled around. He stumbled blindly into the half-wall of the bell tower, and looked out at the lights of the restaurants…if only he could get their attention. “hey,” he managed weakly. That’s when he felt it. Something rubbing on his neck. Odd, he didn’t remember putting on a noose before going running…

One push from behind and it was over. As Biscuit tumbled over the edge, he heard a familiar jingle from behind him.

“Bad a ba ba ba…I’m loving it!”

Day 4

“Wait a minute! Didn’t we hang Burger King from the tower?” Asked Big Boy tarim. “Well then, why is Ronald MacDonald swinging there!?”

Taco Sage, Wendy Coopels and tarim stared in disbelief…well, two of them did anyway. They once again eyeballed each other, not sure who to trust.

“I guess this means there was one more mafia member,” said Sage Dog.

“Yes! And it was you Sage!” shouted tarim. “Coopels, your intentions have always been clear. You have done nothing but help out the town, all while Sage and his ‘plan’ have never worked out. Come to think of it Sage, why didn’t you help out when we took down Jared and Burger King? I recall you standing in the background, doing nothing. You are the mafia…and I have just the right punishment for you.”

With that being said, Big Boy scooped up Sage Taco and carried him off to his restaurant. (Sage, being a tiny little chihuahua could do nothing against the giant). Tarim turned on the burners, put a pan on it and poured in some oil. “Even though Sanshiro was mafia, he had a great idea,” laughed tarim as the oil heated up.

“No! You’ve got it all wrong! I’m not the mafia! It’s Wendy! I’ve finally figured it out...Ow! That’s hot!" Screamed Sage as Big Boy threw Sage into the pan of oil. He sprung out of the pan and made a dash for the door…only to be stopped by Wendy Coopels.

“Now where do you think you’re off to?” Asked Wendy, with an evil gleam in her eye. “Anyone for hot dog?” She added with a chuckle.

She carried Sage back to the pan by his scruff, while Sage was frantically biting and snapping at air. “It was you Coopels! You are the mastermind. You and the Colonel had been dating for years. Then you found out about his affair with Darkguy, and you just couldn’t stand it! So you enlisted the help of Sanshiro and Corflu to get rid of him. Only they didn’t stop after the Colonel. They wanted more…Jared wanted all greasy fast foods out of town, and Burger King wanted to be the only fast food restaurant left. How I bet they fought with each other as to who to kill first! All while you played along…and killed them in the process! Genius, Wendy, almost as genius as I…ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Wendy’s had tossed Sage back into the smoking hot pan, and this time put a cover on it. “Make sure he stays in there, Big Boy, won’t you?” Said Wendy as she walked out of the restaurant. “Oh, and I’ll be up in the tower taking Ronald down…join me when you’re done here.”

Big Boy could see her skipping down the street and whistling as she went on her way like nothing happened at all.

Tarim was walking towards the bell tower, where Ronald was still hanging. He was trying to wipe the grease off his hands, who would have thought Chihuahuas were so greasy? He saw Wendy in the tower….

“I win! I win!” She was giggling and dancing around the bell, giving it a tap every other time around it.

Win?, thought Big Boy. Win what? The town is a disaster, dead bodies everywhere, no food has been served since new years…it was just him and her. Her. She. There was something he was missing, he just couldn’t figure it out.

“I win, I win!” Wendy was still singing when tarim reached the top of the tower. Upon seeing him, she quickly changed her words…”we win, we win!”

“No, Wendy. You said ‘I win.’ Why? What did you win…” The tarim realized…Sage and Biscuit were both right. “No. You couldn’t be. You’re a girl!” Tarim was shocked.

“That’s what they all say…’you’re just a girl’. Well phooey! Look who’s running the show now!”

“So, Sage was right…about you and the Colonel, and Burger King…all of it!”

“Of course he was…you dolt. I’m just glad nobody listened to him towards the end. I never could quite figure out why you would follow his plan as far as you did, and then just toss it all out. But yes, I had the Colonel killed. That old wrinkly bag, was useless anyway. And Sanshiro and Corflu were just the two lackeys to help me get what I really wanted…to change this entire city. Who needs all these male mascots anyway? My friends should be arriving soon…” Coopels looked out of the bell tower and spotted some cars heading into town.

“Who are they? I can’t believe you ruined our town!” Cried tarim.

“Well, after my fallout with the Colonel, I realized I was playing for the wrong team. So, I’ve invited all the female food mascots to move in and join me! Look! Here they are.”

Tarim was afraid to look, but he couldn’t resist. Gathering in the Town Center were Pebbles, Li’l Debbie, and…”Wait a minute…that’s it?” Smirked tarim. “There’s only two other mascots that are female?” He began laughing.

Wendy was furious at his laughter. She charged him and tried to throw him over the edge. Big Boy fought back. The circled the room grappling. First Big Boy was on top, then Wendy, then they were up again locked in each others’ grasp…sweating, grunting…(whoa…where was I?...Oh, yes…) Finally, Big Boy seized the upper hand. Wendy was retreating as he rained down punches on her. It was then she realized, that she had moved too close to the stairway, and that she was wearing her batman slippers that had no traction. She lost her balance, arms flailing everywhere…she could see it coming…

But at the last second, she grabbed hold of Big Boy, and tugged on his arm. She was able to right herself, and in the process pull tarim down the stairs. Tarim went tumbling down in a big mess of broken bones.

Her task finally completed, Wendy sighed a breath of relief. She had won. It was over. She had played the entire town like a fiddle. “Well,” she said. “nothing to do now, but move on and try my hand at something else.” She took one last look from the bell tower, before turning to leave. She definitely needed to clean up…tarim had gotten grease all over the place. And why hadn’t she changed out of her batman slippers this morning?

She started whistling as she turned to go down the stairs, and lost her balance while slipping in some grease. As she tumbled down the stairs, she thought, “I feel like this has happened before…”

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

I knew that would come back someday, but I figured it would be Sage not you, Neb. Oh well at least I went out FALLING DOWN STAIRS in my BATMAN SLIPPERS!

Thanks for the great stories Neb and now since mafia is finally complete, bye bye everybody and be good.